January ’17

The first month of the year & it hasn’t been terribly terrible; even if I did send friends into a panic.  See, I deactivated my facebook account, turned off my phone and took a nap.  Yup – that’s all it takes to send my loveys into a panic.  No one could reach me (which, by the way, was the idea).  I think I might’ve maybe missed a dose or two of medicine, but I can never remember.

So far, this month has encompassed a whole world of things: friends, travel, happy, depression, motivation, laziness, lots of TV, lots of reading, a new cat, projects completed, and a fair bit of sex!

Yup, there’s a new guy in the picture.  We’ll see how it goes.  I’m on hyperalert, which I don’t know is totally fair to him, as I dissect his every action and question all his motivations.  I even made him cry last week (how nice was that? but it was just a direct conversation about things.) He is patient & quite smitten with me – so that’s always good.

I’m still not working.  I’ve pretty much given up on the previous application. I found another position I’ve applied for, which may be great (or a total nightmare).  God continues to provide, so it’s all good.

This post is quite boring, so if you’re still here, I’ll let you go for now.  Maybe things will pick up and get lighter as the year goes by.  Maybe I’ll get lighter, that would be a fabulous result.


Goodbye 2016

Ah, dear reader – you are still here despite my lack of writing.

As 2017 approaches, I find myself in a different state of mind. 90% of the time (if you look back at my other New Year posts) I often find myself looking to the new year with despair: what horrid thing will happen this year?  Who will die? What tragedies will we face?

But this time, I’m almost looking to 2017 with hope.  I knew 2012 would suck because of my divorce – which got drug into 2013.  All those years, including 2014 was weighed down with the thought “Will my mom die this year?” (which happened at the end of 2014.) 2015 began with a new job and a new outlook, only to quickly be smothered by more abusive people being introduced into my world, world smashing grief, and a good dose of depression.  Some of these years I did look to with a semblance of hope, as I kept thinking “it can’t get any worse…..”  It didn’t necessarily get worse, it just got different.

Maybe I’m just growing healthier, as my outlook becomes more hopeful. 2017 a 5th year, time for a change in direction.  I find myself with another new job on the horizon, a man by my side, and a bit of energy and motivation to close my mom’s estate; even though my brother is as abusive as ever, my dad quit speaking to me and my mom is still dead.


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