Spoiled, Unappreciative Brat

This is what I feel like today. I am having a hard time, but I shouldn’t complain.  I am sitting on my porch, in my jammies, at the end of January with my dog.  What do I have to whine about? Not a damn thing, but I cannot appreciate it right now.

This is what I do not like about depression.  The sun is shining, I have a fun job, I have an art studio/gallery, I have friends – but all I want to do is whine about what I have to do, why isn’t anything easy, blah, blah, blah.

I cannot get motivated. I cannot focus. I am not organized. My dog hates me. I sleep too much. I do not have the patience to focus on anything. Here is a perfect example: right now on my computer, I have 7 tabs open.  That might not seem like much, but for me it is insane.  I never have more than two open when I’m coping. I am all over the place like a pinball.  Yes, I’ve seen a doctor.  We are working on my meds, but I don’t think the recent change has helped at all.  I sleep too much.

Everything in my life is handled by God. I wonder why I can’t do my part? I know that living for 10+ years of not paying bills (the ex handled the bills) contributes. I don’t have a system established.  But I would think after 3 years I’d have figured it out.  No such luck.  My bills are late, my mind is scattered, I feel like I’m in chaos.  I don’t like this feeling.  It’s not that I have control issues, but I’d at least like enough control to handle my own life. Ugh.  Do you ever feel this way? Is this “normal”? Not for me!

I don’t want to do anything, but I have everything to do.  So, instead of doing something, I’m sitting here pouring my thoughts out on the laptop.  The struggle is real – and annoying.

Maybe tomorrow will be better…..


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Me
    Jan 25, 2016 @ 13:38:47

    Hang in there, call if you need to talk to someone… Not sure if I can help but I can listen!

  2. Kimberly Darling Rankin
    Jan 25, 2016 @ 14:26:45

    Hear my resounding, yet also unenthusiastic “yep” to almost all of what you said.

  3. callmemistified
    Jan 25, 2016 @ 19:34:32

    Maey I feel your pain! Iused to have it regularly. It’s gotten better over the last year as I’ve gotten my health under control and my hormones evened out, but I still have those days. It makes me feel so bipolar and that makes me feel scared and ashamed and lonely and misunderstood and whole host of other things. What’s working for me may not work for you so I won’t bore you. But I just wanted you to know, I’ve been in the pit too..Just keep clawing toward the light. Love you.

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