Kindness & Compassion

….are two things that are not my strong suit.  Days like yesterday really make me question my current profession.

Case in point:  I got a call about a runaway juvenile (teenager).  He had been gone for 3 hours.  “Really?” my immediate thoughts, “you are calling the cops because your son has been gone for 3 hours? WTF is wrong with people?”  I pull up, “ugh, we’ve been out here several times over dumb and/or suspicious stories – definitely non-emergencies.”  So I walked up with a bad attitude of being bothered rather than willing to help.  The mom has medical issues that are actually of great concern, especially when dealing with a rambunctious teenager.  The teenager has been acting out lately;  this afternoon getting up, cussing everyone, packing a bag, announcing he is in a gang, and leaving.  I’m still thinking, “a gang, yeah right.”  I am professional, but stand-offish.  Not totally sure what to do (because it has only been 3 hours, most of the time they come home on their own soon enough), I tell her I am going to go check out a local apartment complex he is known to hang out at and call my work-wife (she has much more experience and is currently raising a teenage boy)(and I don’t call her my work-wife (WW) to the citizen, just in my head.)  So, my partner goes to the house, has all kind of excellent advice and support and comfort to the mom.   When the mom starts crying from exasperation and fear, my WW hops up the stairs, gives her a big hug, walks her over to the couch and spends time with her.

Why didn’t I do that? Why was I so….. what? bitter? hard? walls-up? unconcerned? lacking kindness and compassion?  It really slapped me in the face. Was it hormones? (yes, I blame them a lot, but if you’re not female, you wouldn’t understand – it really does have that much impact on our world and we have zero control over it).  Is it burn-out?  Heaven knows I could use another 3 weeks off! Is it administrative frustration spilling over? When their story doesn’t bother me, is it time to go? Do other cops have this debate with themselves?  How can they do their job and not care?  Why do this job if you don’t care?

The topic at church (which I did not go to) was “guilt” – hmmm, maybe I should get my ass into church more often, so I don’t have these internal dilemmas.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Anonymous
    Jan 04, 2016 @ 22:11:56

    Good words

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