Nothing Good to Say – the misguided wanderings of the unchaperoned mind


Ugh!  If you’re reading this, you should know what you’re in for by the title.  A whiney, cryey, poor poor pitiful me post.

I made a FaceBook Event:  Cleanliness is Next to Godliness – one of mom’s favorite sayings.  I invited anyone I dared ask to help clean mom’s house.  I realize most folks work during the day. Krissy came all the way from Big Canoe to help while she could.  We got the kitchen done.  By that, I mean, the foyer, pantry, closet & kitchen.  I still have sooooo much more to do – UGH.  With no power, it really is too dark inside to work.  Even during the day, I had a ton of candles going with a fire in the fire place (although fire wood is scarce.)

Part of what I want to bitch about is my brother.  Of course, if my dad or he sees this post, I’ll be the control freak, whiney bitchy little sister, but I don’t really care.  I will say that I did not “invite” my brother to this event – mostly because he drives me nuts & would not want to throw or sell anything away.  He wants everything – hell, he’s taken about 1/2 of everything now.  Not that I care, but it’s the principle of the matter.  So anyway – he lived in the house for 3 months after my mom died – against my better judgement, but at the encouragement of two nicer folks who don’t understand the addict that he is.  So, I asked him to work on cleaning out the house – but he only cleaned it out when he moved.  And, by “cleaned out”, I mean, took what he wanted.  He left dirty dishes, dirty ashtrays, food in the fridge/freezers.  I asked him to spend one hour a day on mom’s stuff while he was living there for free & not working.  He burned a hole in her brand new hand made $1,000 Amish quilt.  That made me furious – but he didn’t care.  I guess I’m not really mad at him, he is who he is. I’m mad at who he has become.  He knows how to behave, he was taught better.  He knows how to be respectful and appreciative and considerate – but he is none of those.  It is ADDICTION that has made him who he is today and not who we know he ought to be.  He hung towels and blankets over the windows with nails and tacks.  He used a hand-painted tile table to snort stuff off (the table had been a wedding gift to my parents in ’60 or ’61).  I found some of his used straws amongst the crap in the house.  All that makes me angry, because I know the empathetic, sweet, caring, kind, generous him – but all you see is the selfish, victimized, demanding, thieving, lying addict.

I got to the house about 10:15ish.  I had to run home for a minute about 11.  I grabbed a bite to eat, too, while I was there.  So, I worked from about 11:30 – 1:00 with Krissy.  About 2:30 I decided I was hungry, so I popped home for a minute, ordered a pizza, picked it up & returned to mom’s.  About 5, I decided it was too dark to work, so I came home.  I am exhausted like I worked 14 hours. 10-5 with at least 2 hours off in there – What the heck is wrong with me?  Ugh.  I suppose I will go take a shower & then settle down to watch “Inside Out”.  keep praying….

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