July’s End

It seems a lot has happened since my last “real” post (not a re-blog), yet nothing has.  Today is a day I wouldn’t want to be my own friend because once again I find myself completely, totally, utterly depressed and motivationless. It seems all I do these days is whine about not wanting to do anything.  I suppose I’m writing this entry because I KNOW my friends are SOOOO tired of hearing all about my lack of everything.

So, I had 3 weeks off.  It was originally planned that I would go to Barbados and house sit for a school mate while she and her family came back to the states for vacation.  It was agreed upon with my job acceptance.  However, when the time came, folks conveniently forgot the conversation.  Some things I make sure I don’t forget because I am beginning to understand how the employer works.  I didn’t forget that one – and I was willing to walk over it (but I know I won’t get any approved personal time off in the next 8 years).  The house-sitting gig fell through.  I didn’t mention that part to the employers. I needed some time away from work.  Maybe three weeks was too much.

The first week, I had a friend and her friend and daughter visit here.  That was great. We had a fun time. I had a girls-only cookout, which was a blast! I was supposed to go to Alabama the next day – but all I did was sleep.  All. Damn. Day.  Seriously! I got up for a couple hours, took Savannah to the vet to board while I was gone, came home and crashed for several hours.  I got up, ate and went back to bed.  No joke, I probably slept for 18 -20 hours that day.  Who does that? It wasn’t like I’d been up for 40 hour straight, or exerted lots of energy doing something or recovering from a near-death experience.

I got to Alabama a day late.  Instant vitalization being with Myra.  We went to dinner.  Came home & hung out at the house.  Myra and I painted while Michael played his guitar.  So. Much. Fun.  Just being together. I spent the rest of my time in Athens.  I was able to visit with a lot of people, but never enough.  I came home ready to tackle the world!  Wow – how did 2  weeks pass so fast?  I better get working on mom’s house!

Home, got my dog, and collapsed.  Nothing.  Not a damn thing since I’ve been home.  Wait, I take that back. I painted.  In my typical manic way, I turned on crappy shoot-em up movies and painted for two days.  One day I did go to mom’s.  I decided I needed a few things (including bug bombs).  So I ran out and got my supplies.  Then I went to her house & set off the bombs.  That was 3 days ago; or more. I haven’t been back.

Wednesday I was going to go see a production at the local theatre.  My friend couldn’t go at the last minute and I wasn’t going to go by myself (that is unusual for me), even though I knew I should go because it was supposed to be hilarious. Thursday I had a family over for hotdogs & chicken.  That was a pleasant evening of nice people.  Friday (today) I was supposed to do several things and I did none of them.  I was planning on going to an awards ceremony with some friends down town.  I know they are having fun. I know they are enjoying the free hoity-toity food. I know they are laughing a lot.  I was going to dress up in my new fancy going-out clothes and have a grand time.  I cancelled.

Yes, I’m on my meds.  Yes, it seems to wax and wane with hormones.  Yes, I still miss my mom terribly on days like this. Yes, I’ll call the doctor.  Eventually.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Ky
    Jul 24, 2015 @ 21:46:18

    You are the last person I would call whiny. You will get your mom’s house done when you are damn good and ready. And IMO, 3 weeks off from work should involve a whole lot of unmotivated inactivity. Cut yourself some slack.

  2. RoseBandit
    Jul 25, 2015 @ 10:25:31

    Yes, cut yourself some slack. What I’ve learned is when you go through a tough time like you did caring for your Mom, your body and mind were adrenalined for action and advocacy. After the stressful time is over with, you need to recharge. You spent more energy than you actually had for months caring for her. Now your body and mind are demanding down time. Go with it.

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