Where did that come from?

Last night I prayed for motivation and direction and an early rise.  After the weirdest nightmare (it was a dream of a dream that, upon it’s third repetition, I forcibly woke myself up from and stayed awake long enough to not fall back into it), I got some rest and woke up great today.  My whole intention was to work on The Estate; to put my weekend to good use; to get things DONE!

Actually got up at a reasonable hour, fixed coffee, took a shower, cleaned the piggies, picked up around the house a bit.  I didn’t just veg in front of a screen, drinking coffee for hours wondering where the time went.  So, the first Estate thing I did was attempt to scan the death certificate, as lots of places need it, several are willing to accept it in an email.  I have a list of what I need to send to whom, so it should be fairly easy.  Not having used my new copier as a scanner there was a slight learning curve, but I managed to get something scanned and onto my computer.  No big deal.  It’ll be OK.

Then, I looked at my table and burst into tears.  With all my intentions and desires and wants to do it – it is so overwhelming I can’t.  Which puts me in freeze mode because I cannot, in good conscience, do anything else now. I can’t clean house, I can’t work in the yard, I can’t fill the bird feeder, I can’t sweep the porch, I can’t art, I can’t go work at mom’s house, I can’t move my stuff out. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t! I can’t do a &*(&T^RTGJI^$E$Y&*O( thing except sit here and cry and type on this stupid blog. I have snot running down my face, I’m trying not to throw up and I’m wondering where the fuck did this mess of me come from, when only a bit ago everything was fine.

Guys, you say you don’t understand women and their moods.  Do you think we actually do?


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. mojo911
    Apr 14, 2015 @ 13:39:23

    It just dawned on me – I still gotta’ do taxes. Fuck me.

  2. Anonymous
    Apr 14, 2015 @ 16:05:53

    Mary Hugs, your still depressed..ITs hard no one blames you..you did a lot! it takes a village to get through things…just lean on all of us…I promise we wont tumble over like a line of domino’s …Love you!

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