Emotional Abuse is the Invisible Elephant



Please follow and read these two links.  Very good information!!!!

From another excellent article I read – a sign of abuse:  having sex on a regular basis when you don’t want to, just to keep the peace.

That was too private, even for me, to post on Facebook. It’s much easier to admit it to the cyber world than a pile of people I know.  Daddy Booboo & I had sex at least three times a week.  And it was a nightmare.  Not physically raped or anything, but I did give it up whenever he wanted just to keep the peace.  If I did not have sex with him, it was a huge thing. I didn’t want him any more. I didn’t like sex. I was not a good wife. I wasn’t keeping us close. Something was wrong with me not to want to have sex all the time. I was lucky my husband wanted me.  I was lucky, at his age, he still had a libido.  I should appreciate it.  It never ended.   If I did put my foot down and refuse, I was rejecting him, I didn’t love him, whatever else came to his mind.  I learned that it was much easier to just do it and get it over with.  Oh, and heaven forbid I did not have an orgasm! I learned to fake it pretty darn good.  So, all of that caused conflicting emotions when he left because then I wanted sex.  Hmmm, did I only want what I couldn’t have?  No. It was a biological response – I was used to having it 2-4x a week to ZERO.

I read a book called “His Needs, Her Needs” (forgot the author & too lazy to look it up).  It is a 1970’s version of “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”.  It was a very educational book about the differences in wiring between men and women.  Men need sex.  It’s true. They relate to it so much differently than women do. Much of which is biological and instinctual – causing conflict within our humanity.  However, having read that book, I used that as an excuse as to WHY I gave him use of my vagina whenever he wanted.  Now I know he was using other vaginas as well (at least one that I know of for sure).

I have so much to change in myself.  Not to become “more desirable” or “attractive” or “whatever” to men, but to make me more desirable to myself.  I have to learn healthy boundaries, to be assertive to my needs and wants, to figure out what my needs and wants are.  That will be another journey on this path of life.


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