Oh, my gosh!  This whole online dating thing cracks me up.  Not to say it doesn’t make my insides quiver, either.

I had my first post-divorce date.  Here’s how it went down:

He contacted me via (my name for any online dating site).  Upon the first contact he wanted to meet for coffee.  It was 8:30 at night.  By the time I read it (an hour later)(no, I do not sit there staring at the site willing men to contact me)(often), my bra was off (not that unsual these days at any time of day), I was painting and I was not going (to seem too eager) out.  Then he called me.  Hmmm, he was quite eager….. We had a nice chat.  Looking at his profile, I read that he’s a widower since 1997.  “What has he done for the past 20 years?”, I wonder to myself.

The next day, he called around noon.  I had the kids (the family arrived home the night before, very late, they never would’ve known if I’d been out doing sordid things).  He asked when I’d be free, available, you know… I said around 4:00 knowing a parent would be home by then.  So, he said to contact him.  About 3:30 I was headed toward the beach. I had been home over a week after having been gone for about a month, I NEEDED the beach!!!! I told him where I’d be & invited him to join me if he’d like.  So, now he’s busy?  No, that’s not how this works.  I say “yes” “ok” “fine” “sure” “maybe” and you fall all over yourself to make it happen. Duh!  He said he’d be hungry later.  I said, “no shit?”.  (OK, maybe I just thought that).  We agreed to meet at a little pub nearby when I got off the beach. Since we were “keeping it casual”(sex)(no that’s my brain working), I could just wear what I had on the beach (yes, I had planned that so I was wearing something besides my cut-off BDUs and a t-shirt)(with a little mascara on)(and underwear).  I was so indifferent to this dating stuff, I wasn’t even nervous.

I was a few minutes late. It was not on purpose (well, maybe subconsciously it was, but I want to pretend it wasn’t)(it’s my blog, I can think what I want)(besides, it was only like 5 minutes)(and I did text him and let him know I was behind the bell-curve)(I wouldn’t have been late if I’d not had to put my gun on). I slid into the booth (it was obvious, as he was the only lone guy in the place)(I’m smart like that). He has FABULOUS dimples, looked nothing like his pictures online, but it didn’t matter.  His online pictures were mostly of him being silly & off-center (I did go back and look).  Not ugly.

Very nice guy.  He talked a lot, but I think he was rambling out of nervousness.  Not totally sure.  I could see him being a very good friend. Not sure if it would go anywhere. We had a 2.5hr dinner.  He was very easy to talk with. We left it at “I enjoyed this, lets do it again”. Consensually.  Not heard a peep since.

The other night, I found TWO, not one, but TWO, messages in my “in box” on  In my profile, I make it very clear I do not tolerate married men.  I think they have no business on there, even though “separated” is an option on the sites.  Well, both of them seemed quite interesting, until I got to the “marital status” part.  I told one guy off, nicely.  He got his panties in a wad.  I laughed.  The other one, I had originally said I’d love to meet for coffee, so I had to go back & eat a little crow and say “oops, I failed to notice”.  I was nicer to that guy.  He said he’d been separated for two years, waiting on the final judgement. I said I understood, as my separation was long, too.

I’m like, “Damn! Is “married men need not apply” a hard concept to understand, assholes?”  The first asshole really showed his true colors & tried to blame me by saying “Sweetie, you said you wanted a dude to hang out with”.  I said, “Sweetie? What the hell kind of douchebag are you?  yeah, a not-married dude, asshole”.  Actually, what I replied with was, “thank you for pointing that out to me, it has been rectified on my profile”, wherein I went and said I was interested in hanging out with a “single dude”.  Even though in two other locations I state that I do not want married men.  Do men have a different definition of “married” than I do?  Never mind, don’t answer that.

What I have learned is this: I’m over 40.  I don’t give a shit.


4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Cheri
    Jan 31, 2014 @ 15:33:40

    Reblogged this on The Sexy Cynics.

    • mojo911
      Feb 04, 2014 @ 00:47:04

      I saw that. What a compliment! Thank you for enjoying it. I even facebooked that I’d been reblogged. That’s better than my date was!

  2. Myra Linnhoff
    Feb 03, 2014 @ 21:18:07

    Oh girl, I love to read your words! You make me laugh and that is a valuable thing. Keep it coming!

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