To be or not to be….

I am sitting here on a Saturday morning drinking my coffee, puttering around the nice, quiet house and I came across Tyler Perry’s “Diary of a Mad Black Woman”.  That is one movie I always have to stop & watch.  Or at least turn on.  Something needs to get turned on in my life.

It dawned on me (yes, I’m a bit slow sometimes) that I have never been truly loved by a man.  Oh, I have loved many a men, but have yet to be loved by one.  True, to the bone, love.  The kind where he will move mountains for me.  The kind that keeps him awake at night.  The kind that he wants to know every inch of my soul as much as my body.  The kind where he wants to cook for me; not to impress, but to make happy.

I was reading a list on, guess – Facebook, about ways to respect one’s husband.  There was a list of about 25 or 32 things on there.  I did about 90% of those things.  I’m not perfect – far from it.  But I always wanted my husband to be happy and did what I could.  Especially “things” – if he wanted a gun or TV or corvette, if we could afford it, I never balked.  It was when I balked that trouble began.  Balking was only born out of financial concerns – responsibility to the family first. If I wanted to cook dinner, I did it because I wanted to, not because I had to.  If I didn’t want to cook dinner, that should be OK, too.  If he wanted to cook dinner, yay.  If not, we could fend for ourselves.  I was OK with that.  Neither one of us should act out of obligation.  Oh, don’t read into this, like blah, blah, blah, I know there are times when we do things because we have to take one for the team.

So, I say all this for no real reason other than to get my thoughts out of my head.  I know I can love beyond my soul.  I know I can do forever.  I know I can do what it takes, because I have.  Next time, I’ll make him prove it. And I won’t apologize.


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