The Year in Review

Well, I posted this on FB & thought “hmmmm”

2011: The Year of The Email

2012: The Year of Devastation

2013: The Year of The Divorce

2014: The Year of Healing

Wow, when I put it like that – things have sucked lately.  They started sucking back in ’04, ’05? Whenever my step-daughter got so sick.  She was on death’s doorstep for 3 years.  She’s made it, but one thing led to another…. I always thought I did fine under pressure, but I’ve discovered that I don’t.  Oh, on the surface, I usually have it all together, especially in the midst of a crisis.  But internally I’m pulverized like a blender.  Too much of that and my top explodes and guts go everywhere – like a blender.

Sick, job change, shitty work environment, graveyard shift just about killed me, depression, physical pain, my daughter, issues w/ Daddy Booboo, surgeries, his job changed….. I mean, it was one thing after another for several years.

Maybe I can look at it like this:

2011:  The Year of The End

2012: The Year of The Bottom

2013: The Year of The Move

2013: The Year of Mojo

I usually look at the New Year with Trepidation: Who will die this year? Who will break my heart? What trials will I face?  I am amazingly blessed to have my mom at the end of this year.  That was a HUGE question last NYE.  However, it only transfers to tonight – will she make it another year?  With that in mind, I do make an effort to treasure even the trying times with her now.  Her brain MRI came back clear yesterday.  Next week we’ll find out what her cancer is doing.  I’m not sure what I’ll do without my mom.  She’s been here my whole life.  I know it’s the natural cycle of life.  I know it’s a given once we’re born.  I know it’s better that I bury her than she bury me.  I know lots of folks who have already lost their mom.  My dad’s still around, too.  But I told him he better behave because I can only deal with one parent at a time.  I know all this in my brain, it’s my heart that’ll hurt in the end.

This year, 2013, has been a big one for me.  I quit my job. I moved far far away.  I’ve been celibate.   I’ve been broke.  I’ve been not-quite-so broke.  I started graduate school.  I got a new dog. I’ve been depressed.  I’ve been not-quite-so depressed.  I paid off my car.  I’ve started painting with watercolor. I paid off my daughter’s student loan.  I’ve been chaste.  I’ve walked several miles on the beach.  I’ve been gainfully unemployed for the longest time since I started working. I’ve not gotten laid.  I’ve reconnected with high school mates.  I’ve made little plant magnets.  I’ve collected drift wood.  I have painted funny little signs.

What does 2014 have in store for me?  Who knows…. I just hope it is a lot of laughter.


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