Diary of a Mad White Woman

Today I watched the Movie “Diary of a Mad Black Woman”.  Tyler Perry and Madea are some of my favorites & I’ll tell you why.  When this movie first came out I rolled my eyes.  I admit, I stereotypically thought “another foul mouthed black comedian”.  And, yes, unfortunately, race did play a part in my thoughts.  Have you not learned? I am far from perfect.

Well, my daughter forced me to watch one of Mr. Perry’s recorded play productions.  The first one I ever watched was “Madea’s Class Reunion”.  It is side splitting funny.  Mr. Perry has the talent to stab you in the heart with an ugly truth while you wet your pants from laughing.   I have watched almost everything Tyler Perry has had a part of.  He is a Christian man.  He doesn’t beat you with the bible, but morality and redemption are themes he weaves in his writing better than Rumpelstiltskin himself.

I have not watched this movie since The Email.  Not that I didn’t want to, it just didn’t come up.  I happened to catch it on TV today.  I probably should’ve watched it sooner, but I trust God’s timing with this.  For the sake of movie length, Helen, the main character, begins to heal after 3 months. A guy comes along and is Mr. Wonderful (hey, it’s a movie for Pete’s sake!).  But he calls her a “bitter black woman” and she said, “I’m not bitter, I’m mad! Mad as hell!”  Amen, sister! 

I knew this day would come when I was not a sniveling lost little girl and I am so relieved to finally be here.  I’m over the ‘mad’.  The hurt will still take time, but I’m improving.  He doesn’t actively hurt me any more, but the wound he did inflict was deep.  I’m not yet bitter – and I don’t want to be.  However, these days find me very leery of anything with an XY chromosome.

There is a male friend of mine.  He is one that I’ve often played & flirted with.  The line was drawn from the beginning that I was happily married and had no intention of doing anything other than joking and laughing with him.  He respected that boundary and we became friends.  After The Email, when I was able to talk – I hated men.  Anything with a penis was subject to verbal abuse by me (and any women around who would jump on that bandwagon).  This male friend of mine walked away.  He said, “I didn’t do anything and I won’t tolerate the man bashing.”  A little surprised, I watched him leave.  I was a little hurt by this, too. I thought he was my friend and friends are there for each other.  Surely, he’d let me cry on his shoulder?

Now, two years later, we are still friends.  We still flirt and joke.  Looking back now, I REALLY respect his decision.  First of all, because he refused to be verbally abused (however funny it may have been).  He was not willing to take male-bashing comments because he did nothing to hurt me.  Secondly, and this one is really the big one, because he did not swoop in to save the day.  He was not going to take advantage of my poor self esteem, my broken heart, my lost self to gain a notch on his bedpost.  He said, “come back when you don’t hate men.”  Wow – is that deep? How healthy is that? I am not friends with healthy people – I’m Ms. Codependent, I must save you from yourself and vice versa.  He drew a healthy boundary for himself.  He’s not chased me & I’ve not chased him.  We are friends.  Maybe one day that friendship will have benefits, but it doesn’t really matter.  I am blessed.


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