Just when I got comfortable….


“They” say it takes 18 months to become truly acclimated to a major life change:  new baby, marriage, job, death, move, etc.  I was dumped & subsequently separated for 23 months.  I was getting used to this.   In that time I’ve moved twice and got a new job.  The Life Stress Calculator indicates that I am under serious risk of illness due to over stress. (www.medindia.net)  Actually, what it said was I should go take a long walk off a short pier because this world changes all the time and there’s not enough drugs in the world to fix that.

According to http://www.roadtowellbeing.ca, on a scale of 1-300, I scored 477.  So, it seems I should be on my deathbed due to stress induced illness.  The examiner.com says I’ve hit 5 of the top 10 life stressors – just this past year. Are we having fun yet?

Yet, they say nothing of blood pressure. I’m back in town for another hearing on another motion on the same damn divorce-over-nothing that has lasted the lifetimes of 23 fireflies.  Why did those poor beautiful creatures need to die at the court’s expense?  Now I have another worry to stress about – all those needless deaths of de-lightful butts that bring back warm childhood memories of growing up in the south.  Sigh.  My blood pressure has been 169/116 ; 172/119; 182/112.  So, when you find me flopping on the floor and blood coming out of my orifices, you’ll know I finally stroked out.

And just when I got used to all that – I get divorced.  Yes, really – it did finally happen!  I drove 500 miles to come back to court for a hearing the day before my birthday.  The judge met with the attorneys in chambers (because….I don’t know…. most of this divorce has happened in chambers) for about 10 minutes.  Then about 15 minutes later, the judge came into the court room and announced us divorced.  That took a whopping 5 minutes.

All this time – and I was unprepared for those words.  Not that I was unprepared to be divorced, I was just unprepared to be divorced.  I mean – now what do I do?  How do I get the vehicle titles?  How to I hire movers?  Where will I put my stuff (as I currently live in the cupboard under the stairs)? How to I tow my motorcycle without a hitch on my car?  blah, blah, blah, blah.  I needed a divorce planner to handle these details because I know my attorney sure is sick of me. Totally overwhelmed!!!!

Oh, and then I have to have the emotional volcanic eruption of the century.  It was like Mount Vesuvius.  No one was safe.  I wanted to hurt and damage and kill and destroy everything and everyone (well, except Laura – I love her).  I said some horrid vile things.  I wanted to hurt him like he had hurt me.  I would have cut him and danced on his guts if I could have.  I was out of control – and that was while I was controlling my out of control self.  The cops were there and everything.  I mean, yes, going to jail is on my bucket list, but I would want to go for something fun, like streaking.  I sure don’t need a DV charge if I ever expect to work again.  I wasn’t prepared – emotionally or spiritually.  Finally I remembered to pray and God got me under control enough for me to decide to drive away and come back another day.  The next day – today – I was prayed up and ready for the task at hand.  Getting my stuff and getting the heck out of his sick toxic world.

Later I texted Laura and said “Sorry about that”.  She said, “Let’s not scrapbook that, OK?”  Did I mention I love her?  My friends are the best and have loved me through my worst.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.  I can’t wait for the adventure to begin…




1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. stilllearning2b
    Aug 22, 2013 @ 10:02:53

    I calculated my life stress indicator in the midst of all my craziness. Like you, it indicated I should pretty much throw in the towel. Instead, I just learned to laugh about each little addition to my stress load. It really taught me what is important in life.

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